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[ -- shortly after this whole conversation goes down, and he seeks Hayame. There is gratitude in the way he holds himself, because she listened to him and came to him when he asked -- despite that he asked her to set aside her wounded pride and bear the burden of a maligned honor, something he hated himself for.
When he sees her, though, he draws a breath and tries not to rush to her. Relief. Happiness? ]
Thank you, Hayame. I am sorry I asked this of you, when seeking remuneration is an apt proposal.
When he sees her, though, he draws a breath and tries not to rush to her. Relief. Happiness? ]
Thank you, Hayame. I am sorry I asked this of you, when seeking remuneration is an apt proposal.
[He had requested her presence, and rage aside at seeing her name associated with foul strangers who suggested she might wish to mate with the human, she had abandoned her cause and come. Obedience to one's lord was absolute, until death, and despite the circumstances of her swearing...
She had known that. Wished for it almost all her life.
She couldn't throw it away now on a foolhardy boy.
And the run at least had allowed her time to clear her head, so that when she arrives at his side, (the "magiteck" was good for tracking people at least), she is more composed looking, if not still rigid with offense as she drops a knee for a bow.]
My lord.
[The words she'd dreamed of.]
You need not apologize. It was I who should not have let such a thing tarnish your reputation- should you punishment, I will accept it.
[Because a lord was only as good as his vassals, and now the only public record of her on this Audentes forum are ponderings of her sexual proclivities and nature.]
She had known that. Wished for it almost all her life.
She couldn't throw it away now on a foolhardy boy.
And the run at least had allowed her time to clear her head, so that when she arrives at his side, (the "magiteck" was good for tracking people at least), she is more composed looking, if not still rigid with offense as she drops a knee for a bow.]
My lord.
[The words she'd dreamed of.]
You need not apologize. It was I who should not have let such a thing tarnish your reputation- should you punishment, I will accept it.
[Because a lord was only as good as his vassals, and now the only public record of her on this Audentes forum are ponderings of her sexual proclivities and nature.]
[ She is --
the first warrior that he has ever known as his own. Among the rank and file of Merkava's best and brightest, he had aspired to be viewed with pride and satisfaction by - his father. He wanted to be everything for that man, and to know that he had earned his acknowledgement and his acceptance. It's with this in mind, that he looks upon Hayame the way he was never seen. ]
I would be insensible and cruel, if I punished you for the mistake of another. You did nothing wrong, Hayame.
[ He's so sorry that she was treated this way, though. And before he loses his nerve, he speaks: ]
I owe you my apology, however. I looked in on conversations where I should not have, and fear I have committed the most grave betrayal of your privacy.
[ The one between a lord and one he trusts. ]
the first warrior that he has ever known as his own. Among the rank and file of Merkava's best and brightest, he had aspired to be viewed with pride and satisfaction by - his father. He wanted to be everything for that man, and to know that he had earned his acknowledgement and his acceptance. It's with this in mind, that he looks upon Hayame the way he was never seen. ]
I would be insensible and cruel, if I punished you for the mistake of another. You did nothing wrong, Hayame.
[ He's so sorry that she was treated this way, though. And before he loses his nerve, he speaks: ]
I owe you my apology, however. I looked in on conversations where I should not have, and fear I have committed the most grave betrayal of your privacy.
[ The one between a lord and one he trusts. ]
[He says she has done nothing wrong and it is like a gentle knife in her heart. Oh, she has done... so much. A single act that she had carried out to cleanse her sins, the disgrace of defeat and capture, hoping beyond hope that it would at least clear her shame and elevate her brother free from the blame of her failures... and yet she regretted now what it became so very much.
Yet that is her world, and as painful as it is, it is practically another life now.
But he says he has breached her privacy, and try as she might to be composed she looks up somewhat sharply in alarm, off guard, frantically thinking back to try and recall if she had said anything untoward. Those conversations were public, that was right- She wasn't blind to her own capacity for temper, and what can be said in the midst of a rage.]
I... I am afraid that I also saw some of your own, my lord. I only hope that nothing I said was displeasing to you?
[Had she?
She feels that same surge of embarrassment as out on the ice. Warring with the surge of pride she'd felt when she saw his words of praise and quickly looked away.]
Yet that is her world, and as painful as it is, it is practically another life now.
But he says he has breached her privacy, and try as she might to be composed she looks up somewhat sharply in alarm, off guard, frantically thinking back to try and recall if she had said anything untoward. Those conversations were public, that was right- She wasn't blind to her own capacity for temper, and what can be said in the midst of a rage.]
I... I am afraid that I also saw some of your own, my lord. I only hope that nothing I said was displeasing to you?
[Had she?
She feels that same surge of embarrassment as out on the ice. Warring with the surge of pride she'd felt when she saw his words of praise and quickly looked away.]
[ Maybe he is too gentle. His father would never show this sort of - heartsickness - and if the day ever came where the Regis breached the boundary between his world and this network of realms and times... he had vowed to her that he would ensure she was received well by the kingdom. That his crimes did not reflect upon her, for she had chosen to follow him. And he was a liar, a traitor; promised nothing but a swift and effortless death. ]
You did your best.
[ The circumstances were unkind. The speculation about how her "desires" were presented - made him undoubtedly uncomfortable. On her behalf, nothing more. ]
I've never known you to do anything but your best, though I've known you for so short a time.
You did your best.
[ The circumstances were unkind. The speculation about how her "desires" were presented - made him undoubtedly uncomfortable. On her behalf, nothing more. ]
I've never known you to do anything but your best, though I've known you for so short a time.
[Her best.
Had it been? Was it? She had always given her all, ever since it became clear that to do any less would mean the fate she'd seen too many of her brethren be given, tied to a post and a bridle stuffed into their mouths to prevent them from choking on their tongues as their human limbs were carved away at the shoulder, condemning them to a life of servitude as a mount, cannon fodder, or worse, in her case- a broodmare.
But had this been her best? (Had any of it truly been?)
The ache of shame that comes to muddle her satisfaction at being praised clouds the expression on her face, until she has to bow her head and try to excuse it as feudal respect.]
I am afraid that this place and these lands... they confuse me yet, my lord. If it were the battlefield, I would bring you the heads of your enemies, and yet here-
[How is she supposed to do her best here? Do anything here?]
I know not of what honor I may bring you by overseeing a theft, however justified it may be claimed to be.
Had it been? Was it? She had always given her all, ever since it became clear that to do any less would mean the fate she'd seen too many of her brethren be given, tied to a post and a bridle stuffed into their mouths to prevent them from choking on their tongues as their human limbs were carved away at the shoulder, condemning them to a life of servitude as a mount, cannon fodder, or worse, in her case- a broodmare.
But had this been her best? (Had any of it truly been?)
The ache of shame that comes to muddle her satisfaction at being praised clouds the expression on her face, until she has to bow her head and try to excuse it as feudal respect.]
I am afraid that this place and these lands... they confuse me yet, my lord. If it were the battlefield, I would bring you the heads of your enemies, and yet here-
[How is she supposed to do her best here? Do anything here?]
I know not of what honor I may bring you by overseeing a theft, however justified it may be claimed to be.
[ As promised, Koltira delivers the weapon and arrows before they're due to ship out to Leramzen. He leaves them, wrapped in a bundle of oilcloth and string, outside wherever Hayame's staying in the castle. The sword is a katana as she knows it, though with an elvish influence--its blade is carved with a looping filigree of ivy and leaves, and its slender handle is tooled black leather with a silver braid, its collar inlaid with tiny sapphires. ]
May it be of use.
--K.D.
May it be of use.
--K.D.
[ Something in him twinges at the thought of Hayame, with her hands slick with blood and her eyes burning with that warrior's wrath. She would be perfect, among his father's battle-ready; but, he doesn't know if he can yet school his expression, and accept the heads of fallen rivals with grace. There's a softness within his heart that he's yet to control, and it brings out the worst in him, from time to time - a most dishonorable manner of conduct. ]
We are both complicit in this matter.
[ How much more a rogue can be become? He is already a liar, a traitor. Now, he will become a thief, for this vagrant and misshapen group. ]
I will bear the weight of our crimes, Hayame. You are performing your duty, as instructed by ALASTAIR - and by me.
[ He says things with such finality; this is the way things are. He commands, she obeys. He does his best, however, to make his commands fair to her. ]
That is my responsibility to you, after all. If I were not willing to stand by you, I would be a poor lord and a disreputable man.
We are both complicit in this matter.
[ How much more a rogue can be become? He is already a liar, a traitor. Now, he will become a thief, for this vagrant and misshapen group. ]
I will bear the weight of our crimes, Hayame. You are performing your duty, as instructed by ALASTAIR - and by me.
[ He says things with such finality; this is the way things are. He commands, she obeys. He does his best, however, to make his commands fair to her. ]
That is my responsibility to you, after all. If I were not willing to stand by you, I would be a poor lord and a disreputable man.
[She spoke of it as if it were something she could do and had done with ease a thousand times, but the fact remained that though she had passed sixteen, an adult by growth standards of her race, whose longevity hovered between that expected of human and horse... she had not yet fully been unleashed onto the battlefield despite all her training, all her efforts to make sure that when she was purchased it would be for that.
She had been captured before she could even make her first kill of a fellow warrior, and the shame of it ate through her daily, leaving her only able to devote herself even more strongly to the ideals she'd clung to for so long. She would be a Warrior. Worthwhile, strong, loyal, and desirable by lords for service.
She would bring him those trophies and prove her worth.
And he speaks like she'd always imagined the lord she would have might sound, though perhaps slightly more gentle than she'd had experience with, basing that fantasy image on the stable Master and the nobles who came to call on Exhibition Day.
Duty. If she had duty, she could not be lost. (Right?)]
I will endeavor in all things to bring honor to your name, no matter the orders ALASTAIR hands down.
[If there was a way to do dishonorable things like theft honorably, she would have to find a way.
But that reminds her of another matter, and she moves from her bow to straighten up and reach for the pouch she wore on one of the belts strapped around the deer hide at her waist, pulling out a piece of parchment and what she has been told is a "pen".]
... to that aim, I must ask for your family crest.
[... Which now that she says it, probably requires explanation, offering him the items.]
We are to dress formally for the upcoming banquet, and I believe I have adequately explained the garments I require to this place's weavers. The archery brace traditionally display's the owner's mark.
[She doesn't quite realize that she said "owner" instead of "lord", having worn her stable master's brand in lieu of anything else for so long.]
She had been captured before she could even make her first kill of a fellow warrior, and the shame of it ate through her daily, leaving her only able to devote herself even more strongly to the ideals she'd clung to for so long. She would be a Warrior. Worthwhile, strong, loyal, and desirable by lords for service.
She would bring him those trophies and prove her worth.
And he speaks like she'd always imagined the lord she would have might sound, though perhaps slightly more gentle than she'd had experience with, basing that fantasy image on the stable Master and the nobles who came to call on Exhibition Day.
Duty. If she had duty, she could not be lost. (Right?)]
I will endeavor in all things to bring honor to your name, no matter the orders ALASTAIR hands down.
[If there was a way to do dishonorable things like theft honorably, she would have to find a way.
But that reminds her of another matter, and she moves from her bow to straighten up and reach for the pouch she wore on one of the belts strapped around the deer hide at her waist, pulling out a piece of parchment and what she has been told is a "pen".]
... to that aim, I must ask for your family crest.
[... Which now that she says it, probably requires explanation, offering him the items.]
We are to dress formally for the upcoming banquet, and I believe I have adequately explained the garments I require to this place's weavers. The archery brace traditionally display's the owner's mark.
[She doesn't quite realize that she said "owner" instead of "lord", having worn her stable master's brand in lieu of anything else for so long.]
As I would endeavor to not lead the two of us into further disrepute.
[ Like her, he is sore at the idea of becoming a thief. Though ALASTAIR speaks of dangers he is uncertain of, this is the only path he knows to walk - and he cannot allow Hayame to know of his concerns. For her, he must be composed and in control. There is no alternative, if he wished to be viewed well by her, if he wished to do well by her. It keeps him in relative control, as he spends time in her company and the company of the others. In private, he can fear and quake and drown as he second-guesses himself and this lie he continues to perform for her and for Audentes.
She offers him a pen and parchment, and his fingers twitch briefly as she asks for the crest of his family.
( He thinks of his mother; the Noah to whom he solely belongs. And then he thinks of his father's eyes, and he knows what he must do. ) ]
It is, thankfully, a simple design. [ And he kneels, for a moment, to sketch the design - the cross upon his ring, the light embelleshing and scrolling patterns surrounding it. The colors, black on red. The emblem of the Regis of Chaos - the thing that does not, has not and would never be his. But, if she wears the Regis's crest... he has a better chance of bargaining for her security, if his father were ever to find himself here. ]
It matches, [ and as he hands her the parchment, he turns his hand to display the ring --
and pauses. ]
I -- [ "owner", she said. ] Hayame, am I -- please, you don't think of me as your owner, do you?
[ Like her, he is sore at the idea of becoming a thief. Though ALASTAIR speaks of dangers he is uncertain of, this is the only path he knows to walk - and he cannot allow Hayame to know of his concerns. For her, he must be composed and in control. There is no alternative, if he wished to be viewed well by her, if he wished to do well by her. It keeps him in relative control, as he spends time in her company and the company of the others. In private, he can fear and quake and drown as he second-guesses himself and this lie he continues to perform for her and for Audentes.
She offers him a pen and parchment, and his fingers twitch briefly as she asks for the crest of his family.
( He thinks of his mother; the Noah to whom he solely belongs. And then he thinks of his father's eyes, and he knows what he must do. ) ]
It is, thankfully, a simple design. [ And he kneels, for a moment, to sketch the design - the cross upon his ring, the light embelleshing and scrolling patterns surrounding it. The colors, black on red. The emblem of the Regis of Chaos - the thing that does not, has not and would never be his. But, if she wears the Regis's crest... he has a better chance of bargaining for her security, if his father were ever to find himself here. ]
It matches, [ and as he hands her the parchment, he turns his hand to display the ring --
and pauses. ]
I -- [ "owner", she said. ] Hayame, am I -- please, you don't think of me as your owner, do you?
[If a disgraced warrior silent about her disgrace and an exiled prince silent about his exile are even capable of raising themselves from the pits of disrepute, perhaps they may see it done.
She has no reason to doubt that the crest he draws and offers her is his own, particularly since he shows her the ring along with it. Any young general or prince she expects would have their own kao seal, their own battle standard derived from their father or clan... so she accepts it for his. The parchment she accepts respectfully with both hands, bowing slightly over it and bringing it almost to her forehead in a gesture of accepting something from ones superior before she begins to fold it and place it back in her pouch.
It isn't until he speaks and asks that she even realizes what she said- or realizes that it might be something worth questioning at all.]
...
[It felt like a loaded question, somehow, despite how matter of fact it should have been in her own world. The way he looks at her-]
I would have it known that my loyalty to you is just as strong as if you had purchased it.
[Me.]
As equal to or stronger than two-legged loyalty you may have received by virtue of clan promise or milk mother.
[That was the reassurance he required, was it not?]
She has no reason to doubt that the crest he draws and offers her is his own, particularly since he shows her the ring along with it. Any young general or prince she expects would have their own kao seal, their own battle standard derived from their father or clan... so she accepts it for his. The parchment she accepts respectfully with both hands, bowing slightly over it and bringing it almost to her forehead in a gesture of accepting something from ones superior before she begins to fold it and place it back in her pouch.
It isn't until he speaks and asks that she even realizes what she said- or realizes that it might be something worth questioning at all.]
...
[It felt like a loaded question, somehow, despite how matter of fact it should have been in her own world. The way he looks at her-]
I would have it known that my loyalty to you is just as strong as if you had purchased it.
[Me.]
As equal to or stronger than two-legged loyalty you may have received by virtue of clan promise or milk mother.
[That was the reassurance he required, was it not?]
[It is only after a bit of asking around that he figures out what her name is, so that he can contact her. The message comes a few days after Audentes' not-so-valiant return, once he has attained some distance from his harrowing first mission. (But not nearly enough distance - he can still remember the odor of the desiccated bones behind which he had crouched, the crumpled shape of George's dead body.)]
Hey. This is Connor. The guy who threw up on you? I just thought I'd say thanks for helping me out back there even though I was being a little bitch.
And I'm sorry for throwing up on you. At least I can promise it won't happen again.
Hey. This is Connor. The guy who threw up on you? I just thought I'd say thanks for helping me out back there even though I was being a little bitch.
And I'm sorry for throwing up on you. At least I can promise it won't happen again.
But not the apology.
[He hears that omission loud and clear, in the way that one can't help but notice a gaping hole in the earth. But she is not someone whose ire he wants to bear for the rest of his tenure here, so he tries again.]
Look, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
[He hears that omission loud and clear, in the way that one can't help but notice a gaping hole in the earth. But she is not someone whose ire he wants to bear for the rest of his tenure here, so he tries again.]
Look, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
[Somehow it stings all the worse to hear the terrible things you think about yourself come out of someone else's mouth. He doesn't even argue with her assessment. Ever since he first arrived at the castle, he has wondered if the confident Connor Walsh of an era gone by simply belongs to another world.]
I didn't ask to be a part of this.
I didn't ask to be a part of this.
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